


Communication, Almost

by Mayday_The_Captain_Is_Dead



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Australia was a place, BLU (Team Fortress 2), BLU Team - Freeform, But none exist, I can have this, If I must write this content myself then so be it, If TF2 can have Robots, Melon is TF2 Skype but not really, Multi, Other, Possibly Unrequited Love, Saxton Hale and Maggie mention, Spy needs a way out, and Australian-shaped chest hair, but then I remembered that, cursing, my sandbox now, people die when they get killed then they respawn, so I could justify this, so you know, this is an AU full stop, this is my first fic, was going to have Engineer make something
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26249368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayday_The_Captain_Is_Dead/pseuds/Mayday_The_Captain_Is_Dead
Summary: In an effort to increase team coordination (and coerced by Saxton Hale), the Administrator has a new Australian creation mail ordered right to the mercenaries. She gives them one week to individually get used to it before she invites them all to a Melon room then leaves.
Relationships: BLU Soldier/RED Demoman, Demoman/Medic/Spy (Team Fortress 2), Engineer & Pyro (Team Fortress 2), Pyro/Sniper (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 42





	1. It's 4 o' Clock Spy

_4:26 am_

**The Administrator** has invited you and 8 others to Room **#137!**

 **The Administrator** has made **The Engineer** and **The Spy** Admins!

 **The Administrator** has left Room **#137!**

 **The Spy** is online!

 **The** **Spy :** Gentlemen

 **The Spy:** I trust you all are already acquainted with your communication devices?

 **The Engineer** is online!

 **The Engineer:** 'You all' 

**The Engineer:** just say y'all

 **The Engineer:** no need to use that many words

 **The Spy:** No offense meant to you, laborer, but I would rather jump off a cliff

 **The Demoman** is online!

 **The Demoman:** 4 o' clock in the morning an yer in here

 **The Demoman:** fightin' about words n making me phone ring n me head ache

 **The Engineer:** sorry bout that

 **The Demoman:** go to sleep

 **The** **Spy: **And if I do not want to?

 **The Demoman:** do ya hate sleep

 **The Demoman:** but if ya need a reason

 **The Demoman:** look at the window

 **The Spy:** ...

 **The Spy:** Ah I see. Yes that does sufficiently motivate me to give up and go to bed.

 **The Demoman:** Thought so

 **The Demoman:** now

 **The Demoman:** Bed

 **The Demoman** is offline!

 **The Engineer** is offline!

 **The Spy** is offline!


	2. Dane Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No Danes were harmed in the making of this chapter.

_8:02 am_

**The Medic** is online!

**The Medic:** Enginner please come in foir your appoinrment

**The Engineer** is online!

**The Spy** is online!

**The Engineer:** gotcha doc

**The Spy:** Doctor, there should be a feature in your application that fixes your spelling.

**The Medic:** were is it

**The Spy:** Swipe your screen with your thumb to the right. There should appear to be a list.

**The Spy:** The one your looking for has a capital A over a few lines for a symbol. Click it.

**The Spy:** There should then be a new text-box on your screen that states as such-

**The Spy:** 'This will enable Auto-correct. Are you sure you want to do that?'

**The Spy:** Then you click the one that says 'Yes'.

**The Medic:** Dane Spy!

**The Medic:** Dane

**The Medic:** Dane

**The Medic:** Dane

**The Medic:** Dane

**The Spy:** Are you perhaps trying to say 'Danke Spy'?

**The Medic:** Yes! Why can I not write it

**The Spy:** More than likely, your dictionary is set to English only.

**The Engineer:** is engi-here, doc

**The Engineer** is offline!

**The Spy:** I will come over and help you add the German Dictionary so that you have both up.

**The Spy:** I will also talk to Engineer while I am there about that horrid joke.

**The Spy:** Wordplay and Puns are only funny when I do them.

**The Medic:** I'll see you here then

**The Medic** is offline!

**The Spy** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dane Spy is a Concept.


	3. You have to talk to people Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lil bit of chat in combat with Sniper.

_1:43 pm_

**The Sniper** is online!

**The Sniper:** @everyone

**The Demoman** is online!

**The Engineer** is online!

**The Spy** is online!

**The Medic** is online!

**The Spy:** Bushman, I hope you have a good reason for alerting everyone in the area of my whereabouts.

**The Sniper:** There's a sentry nest tucked up in 1 of the towers bein maintained by 3 Engies

**The Demoman:** Aye thanks for tha info

**The Demoman:** Doc can you help

**The Medic:** Ja

**The Demoman** is offline!

**The Medic** is offline!

**The Spy:** That @ was unnecessary. You could have easily just messaged the Doctor and Demoman privately.

**The Sniper:** Spy I saw you about to walk up there

**The Sniper:** And I know, if I were you, I'd appreciate a lil warnin

**The Sniper:** 'Least now yer still alive to tell the tale

**The Spy:** Why, Bushman, so considerate.

**The Spy:** I would like the real reason now.

**The Sniper:** Saw the Pyro behind and I had my Jarate out

**The Sniper:** Also, Scout called in a favor

**The Spy:** Ugh...merde.

**The Sniper:** Just talk ta each other

**The Sniper:** This can't go on forevah

**The Spy:** When did I ask for your advice?

**The Spy:** But you are right.

**The Spy** **:** After this battle, I shall go talk to him.

**The Sniper:** 'S all I wanted mate so see ya

**The Sniper** is offline!

**The Spy** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spy bet against the Red Sox. Scout found out. Spy gave some of the money to Scout to apologize after this.


	4. Is not big surprise Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a day on the battlefield, Medic asks Spy to help Heavy with his language settings.

_6:01 pm_

**The Medic** is online!

 **The Spy** is online!

 **The Medic:** Ah Spy! There you are!

 **The Medic:** I was wondering if you could help out Heavy with this?

 **The** **Spy** **:** By 'this', do you perhaps mean that you want me to configure Heavy's language setting so he can communicate with us?

 **The Medic:** Yes!

 **The Spy:** I shall endeavor to do so.

 **The Medic:** Danke Spy!

 **The Medic** is offline!

 **The Spy** is offline!

_6:54 pm_

**The Heavy** is online!

 **The Spy** is online!

 **The Heavy:** Hello Team!

 **The Heavy:** It is Heavy and it is good to be meeting over distances great and small.

 **The Spy:** Yes it is good to see you on here. While most what has been posted on here has been nonsense, there have been moments of cooperation.

 **The Spy:** I hope that now we can all act more professionally, which I know can be more of a statement reserved to be said by our Sniper, but that does not make it less true.

 **The Spy:** Although I must ask why all of your text is being underlined.

 **The Spy:** Is that a problem with your Melon application?

 **The Heavy:** Oh no it is me

 **The Heavy:** I am doing this.

 **The Spy:** I see. Well if there is really no more problems, you should be fine to use the room.

 **The Heavy:** [Of course!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16y1AkoZkmQ)

 **The Spy:** ...

 **The Spy:** Heavy.

 **The Heavy:** You like surprise?

 **The Spy:** I am speechless and, quite frankly, feel betrayed.

 **The Heavy:** You were Ra-Ra-Rasputin your place, Да?

**The Heavy:** Goodbye.

**The Heavy** is offline!

 **The Spy** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boney M. was formed in the 1960s. Also if you're wondering why Spy always logs on after someone else logs on, he has notifications on for online activity which is a thing Melon has settings for. Melon also has built in translations for all sorts of languages like Spanish, Japanese, Russian, French, Portuguese, and more! Sign up now fo-


	5. They're called kaomojis Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyro logs on to try some cool stuff Sniper showed them! Spy's just in the ride.

_7:20 pm_

**The Pyro** is online!

 **The Sniper** is online!

 **The Spy** is online!

 **The Sniper:** Okay mate now try

 **The Spy:** Sniper what do you mean by 'try'? Also, Pyro, it is good to see you.

 **The Pyro:** (◕‿◕) 

**The Pyro:** ♡ (￣З￣) @Sniper

 **The Sniper:** Pyro's tryin out some kaomoji

 **The Spy:** Sniper, I mean this in the most sincere way possible.

 **The Spy:** What the hell is kaomoji?

 **The Pyro:** (`ー´) Language!

 **The Sniper:** Japanese emoticons

 **The Sniper:** Emoticons are text ways to communicate faces

 **The Sniper:** Like (: is a smile face

 **The Spy:** I see. 

**The Spy:** Now that that is cleared up then.

 **The Spy:** Perhaps Pyro can explain why they mentioned you and sent you a kiss?

 **The Sniper:** Oh that's easy

 **The Sniper:** Pyro and me are best mates

 **The Pyro:** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **The Sniper:** _whispers to The Spy_ Look'ere if Pyro wants to be more 'nd tells me that I'll be happy and accept

 **The Sniper:** _whispers to The Spy_ But so fars I know, they just want to be mates

 **The Sniper:** _whispers to The Spy_ leave it be?

 **The Spy:** _whispers to The Sniper_ You are absolutely positive about that? Really?

 **The Sniper:** _whispers to The Spy_ Yes

 **The Spy:** _whispers to The Sniper_ Understood I suppose.

 **The Sniper:** I hear a knock, that you Pyro?

 **The Pyro:** ε=ε=ε=ε=┌(;￣▽￣)┘

 **The Sniper:** Yeah I gotcha hold on

 **The Sniper:** See ya Spy

 **The Spy:** I will see you later Sniper, you as well Pyro.

 **The Pyro:** (O.O)

 **The Pyro:** (^人^)

 **The Sniper** is offline!

 **The Spy** is offline!

 **The Pyro:** _whispers to you_ (￣▽￣)ノ

 **The Pyro** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **You** are invisible! To change that, go to your sidebar and untag invisible mode!


	6. Where in the world is Spy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone in the base has School Days by Chuck Berry on at full volume, loud enough that Scout can barely think. The perfect time to make his first post on Melon!

_3:01 am_

**The Scout** is online!

 **The** **Scout:** @everyone alright which one a you chuckleheads just volunteered to test out my new bat

 **The Engineer** is online!

 **The Medic** is online!

 **The Medic:** Scout? Why are you up so late?

 **The Engineer:** thinkin that hes up for mucha the same reason im up doc

 **The Heavy** is online!

 **The Pyro** is online!

 **The Scout:** the second i find whoevahs blastin school days

 **The Scout:** their dead you hear me!

 **The Pyro:** (・・ ) ?

 **The Heavy:** Someone in team is playing song very loudly.

 **The Medic:** They are? Let me remove my ear cover.

 **The Engineer:** i wouldn't really advise on doin that doc

 **The Medic:** Fascinating! I appear to be deaf!

 **The Medic:** Back the ear covers go!

 **The Engineer:** was actually goin to go round your way Scout

 **The Engineer:** till I figured that youd only do this when we're awake

 **The Heavy:** Little man does love his sleep.

 **The Scout:** anyone know where demo is

 **The Scout:** im goin to show him what death perception is like

 **The Pyro:** ( ఠ ͟ʖ ఠ)

 **The Engineer:** hold on hoss

 **The Engineer:** why demo

 **The Scout:** demo, spy, soldier, and sniper aint here

 **The Scout:** snipers asleep, soldier would blare the national anthem not school days, and spy

 **The Scout:** do i need to explain spy

 **The Engineer:** nah i getcha

 **The Engineer:** although speakin of

 **The Engineer:** where is Spy

 **The Engineer:** hes usually here and respondin to these chats

 **The Engineer:** even being usually the one who directs them

 **The Scout:** he mighta went to a fancy hotel

 **The Scout:** i saw him leave earlier

 **The Heavy:** Really?

 **The Scout:** Scouts honor

 **The Pyro:** <(￣ ﹌ ￣)>

 **The Scout:** i did see him leave i swear

 **The Scout:** anyway

 **The Scout:** that's why

 **The Scout:** demos the only one left

 **The Medic:** Unfortunately you might have to amend your theory.

 **The Medic:** Demoman is with me, sleeping after I replaced his liver.

 **The Scout:** huh

 **The Scout:** _whispers to The Heavy_ Heavy i freakin swear if its you

 **The Heavy:** _whispers to The Scout_ I promise it is not.

 **The Engineer:** it could be the enemy Scout messin with you

 **The Scout:** true

 **The Scout:** hey it stopped

 **The Scout:** sweet

 **The Scout:** was real great talking with ya night

 **The Scout** is offline!

 **The Engineer:** well i guess that'll do

 **The Engineer:** night y'all

 **The Engineer** is offline!

 **The Heavy** is offline!

 **The Medic:** _whispers to The Demoman, whispers to The Spy_ that is for saving you! So Next time you two get drunk, Invite me Dummkopfs!

 **The Medic:** Schlaf gut Pyro!

 **The Pyro:** (∪｡∪)｡｡｡zzZ

 **The Medic** is offline!

 **The Pyro** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schlaf gut is, according to one website, a way to say good night to like friends. Dummkopfs is fools according to the TF2 Medic responses page. Spy and Demoman are not a ship I see too often. Neither is the Demoman/Medic one. I wanted to write it as just DemoSpy (Bomb Voyage? It seems to be the officialish name that I see) but then Medic came in. Jaegerbombs is what the DemoMedic ship is called, while Gentle Surgery is the MedicSpy one. I'm the one who has to name DemoMedicSpy. I spent 2 hours on trying to find out what I should call it and Surgical Precision Bombs is what I came up with.


	7. RIGHT BEHIND YOU SPY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spy, Demoman, and Medic have a nice chat that is instantly derailed by a surprise guest!

_9:29 am_

**The Demoman** is online!

 **The Spy** is online!

 **The Medic** is online!

 **The Spy:** I hate to admit it but you were, in fact, correct.

 **The Demoman:** don't know what yer talking bout

 **The Demoman:** but if I did

 **The Demoman:** I'd say I told ya

 **The Medic:** I'll have to use that next time I drink.

 **The Spy:** Yes it was very handy. 

**The Demoman:** ah thanks doc

 **The Demoman:** If you want I could write it for ya

 **The Medic:** Thank you Demo!

 **The Spy:** However I would have hardly thought that our most prestigious Demoman, he who slays enemies with sword and bomb alike, was such a sore winner.

 **The Spy:** It seems I can be wrong twice on the same day.

 **The Demoman:** 'our' 'prestigious'

 **The Demoman:** such fancy words from Mr. Vain himself

 **The Demoman:** I feel honored

 **Merasmus** has entered Room **#137!**

 **Merasmus** is online!

 **Merasmus:** Merasmus the Wizard has come for your souls!

 **The Spy:**

**The Demoman:**

**The Medic:** Well this isn't good.

 **The Spy:** You cannot be serious.

 **Merasmus:** Merasmus is very serious!

 **The Spy:** It is not even Halloween, you washed out wizard!

 **The Demoman:** jus checked the dates too, 's no solstices

 **Merasmus:** Merasmus does not discriminate against dates, you fools!

 **The Spy:** Why are you even in here, you putain de merde?! The Administrator only invited our team in here.

 **Merasmus:** It was a spell which brought me here!

 **The Spy:** But why?! Why would you use a spell to get in here?!

 **The Spy:** You! Can! Teleport!

 **The Medic:** Spy I think you might be getting a little angry.

 **The Spy:** I am completely fine, Docteur.

 **The Medic:** Alright..

 **Merasmus:** It was supposed to lock onto Soldier's presence!

 **Merasmus:** Speaking of Soldier, where is he?

 **The Demoman:** I dinnae even know you could fail that bad

 **The Demoman:** seein as Soldier ain't in here

 **The Demoman:** spell musta failed you might want ta look into that

 **Merasmus:** Impossible! He has to be here!

 **The Medic:** Have you considered 'Possible! He isn't here!'?

 **The Spy:** Why am I even making conversation?

 **The Spy** has banned **Merasmus** for _**being a bad wizard**_!

 **The Spy:** Problem solved. Partially. We might as well let the rest know that we might be expecting Merasmus earlier than usual.

 **The Soldier:** RIGHT BEHIND YOU SPY GETTING EVERY SPEAKER ON TO BLAST THE NEWS

 **The Spy:** _HOW?_

 **The Demoman:** Wh

 **The Medic:** My ears!

 **The Soldier:** NO TIME FOR THAT WE NEED TO GO TO THE STRATEGY ROOM NOW

 **The Spy** is offline!

 **The Demoman** is offline!

 **The Medic** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You thought you would get Soldier but it was mE, MERASMUS!" 
> 
> And then later on, Soldier! Discovered to have been pulling a(n accidental) Spy all along! He was the mysterious You who went into invisible mode.


	8. It Wasn't A Pun Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spy talks with Soldier about his radio silence.

_10:00 am_

**The Spy** is online!

 **The Spy:** So now that that has been settled.

 **The Spy:** @The Soldier, how long have you been been in here in this room, and not participating?

 **The Soldier:** I COULDNT TALK SPY

 **The Spy:** And what exactly has changed to allow you to communicate?

 **The Soldier:** PYRO HAS BEEN HELPING ME

 **The Soldier:** I MUTED? MYSELF?? APPARENTLY???

 **The Spy:** How did Pyro know exactly?

 **The Soldier:** I PICKED UP THEIR SQUARE WHEN I WAS JOGGING

 **The Soldier:** WHEN I CAME BACK THEY SAID THAT

 **The Soldier:** THAT I PICKED UP THEIR SQUARE I MEAN

 **The Spy:** Go on.

 **The Soldier:** THEY TRIED TO TALK TO HEAVY

 **The Soldier:** BUT THEY COULDNT

 **The Soldier:** BECAUSE OF ME

 **The Soldier:** EVERY TIME THEY TRIED MY SQUARE WOULD PLAY AMERICAS GOD BLESSED ANPHEM? ANTHEM.

 **The Spy:** How did none of us hear that?

 **The Soldier:** AXE SOMETHING PILLOW SOMETHING THEY LOWERED THE VOLUME I THINK

 **The Soldier:** I DIDNT AXSKE ASK THEM

 **The Spy:** Was that an attempt at a pun?

 **The Soldier:** ANYWAY

 **The Spy:** Do not ignore me.

 **The Spy:** Soldier, please answer me.

 **The Soldier:** IT WASNT A PUN FRENCHIE

 **The Soldier:** WHY IS EVERYTHING A PUN TO YOU

 **The Soldier:** SOME OF US HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT

 **The Spy:** Apologies. I am getting off the point.

 **The Spy:** Can you tell me the rest?

 **The Soldier:** OF COURSE

 **The Soldier:** SO THEY TOLD ME THAT THAT WAS BAD

 **The Soldier:** WHICH IS WHEN I THOUGH 'THAT COMMIE HARLOT'

 **The Soldier:** BUT THEN THEY TOLD ME THAT THE SQUARE WASNT FOR PLAYING THE GREASTES GREATESTS GREATEST MUSIC TO LIVE ONLY

 **The Soldier:** BUT I COULD USE IT FOR THE TEAM

 **The Soldier:** SO WEVE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ME SPEAK BUT IT WASNT WORKING ALL DAY

 **The Soldier:** I THINK MERASMUS DID SOMETHING BECAUSE A FLAG CAME OUT OF THE SQUARE

 **The Spy:** Hold on.

 **The Spy:** A flag came out of your communications device.

 **The Soldier:** YES

 **The Spy:** An American Flag I presume.

 **The Soldier:** CORRECT

 **The Soldier:** THE WORLDS BEST FLAG

 **The Soldier:** WITH THE BEST COLORS

 **The Soldier:** MADE BY ELIZABETH 'BETSY' ROSS IN 1776 WHEN SHE WAS COMMISIONED COMMISSIONED IN MAY BY GEORGE WASHINGTON HIMSELF

 **The Spy:** Yes I believe you.

 **The Spy:** But if I may ask, what happened after the flag came out?

 **The Soldier:** THE FLAG CAME OUT?

 **The Soldier:** GOOD

 **The Soldier:** IF I SEE ANYONE TRYING TO MAKE ANY FUNNY JOKES, I AM GOING TO BREAK MY FOOT IN THEIR SPINE

 **The Spy:** No that is not what I meant. I mean what happened after the flag came out of your telephone?

 **The Soldier:** AFFIRMATIVE

 **The Soldier:** I WAS ABLE TO TALK

 **The Soldier:** WHICH IS WHY I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO TELL EVERYONE MERASMUS WAS BACK

 **The Spy:** Thank you for finally getting to the point.

 **The Soldier:** I ALWAYS GET ON THE POINT BECAUSE I WIN ON THE POINT

 **The Soldier:** I BLED AND FOUGHT FOR THE POINT

 **The Soldier:** I HAVE DIED FOR THE POINT

 **The Spy:** Yes, yes I know.

 **The Spy:** Now that is, what I believe, all I wanted to ask you. I bid you adieu.

 **The Spy** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An actual explanation from the hands of Soldier himself. I did do an explanation but I deleted it once I realized that it would be better for Soldier to say it himself.


	9. I want to kick whoever taught you English, Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spy, Pyro, and Engineer talk about their day.

_2:31 pm_

**The Pyro** is online!

 **The Engineer** is online!

 **The Spy** is online!

 **The Pyro:** ヾ(・ω・*) @The Engineer @The Spy

 **The Engineer:** hey py

 **The Spy:** Good Afternoon Pyro. How has it been for you so far?

 **The Pyro:** (´｡• ω •｡`)

 **The Pyro:** <・ )))><<

 **The Engineer:** fish?

 **The Engineer:** were you with uh

 **The Engineer:** with scout?

 **The Pyro:** (*￣▽￣)b

 **The Spy:** May I ask what you were doing with Scout?

 **The Pyro:** (／_^)／ ● ＼(^_＼)

 **The Engineer:** uh

 **The Engineer:** some sport?

 **The Spy:** Were you both tossing a ball between yourselves?

 **The Pyro:** ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

 **The Engineer:** nice

 **The Engineer:** also i wanted to ask ya spy

 **The Spy:** What would you like to know?

 **The Engineer:** is the stuff solly said true?

 **The Spy:** Unfortunately yes. He even showed me the 'flag'.

 **The Engineer:** 'flag'?

 **The Spy:** It looked more like an abstract art piece meant to represent America than it did an actual flag.

 **The Spy:** It honestly looked like it belongs more to a museum or an art exhibit than the bedroom of a deranged, patriotic, rocket-jumping mercenary.

 **The Pyro:** w(°ｏ°)w

 **The Engineer:** well

 **The Engineer:** that explains some stuff

 **The Engineer:** i guess?

 **The Engineer:** though

 **The Engineer:** theres still somethin botherin me

 **The Spy:** I believe I know what you are wondering but if you could speak it, I would prefer that.

 **The Engineer:** spy

 **The Engineer:** first of all

 **The Engineer:** sometimes i want to kick whoever taught ya english

 **The Spy:** I understand but I refuse to change my ways.

 **The Engineer:** second

 **The Engineer:** why did merasmus want soldier in the first place

 **The Engineer:** he didnt really say

 **The Spy:** I have no clue. Perhaps Soldier could tell us?

 **The Spy:** @The Soldier

 **The Soldier:** WHAT

 **The Soldier:** OH

 **The Soldier:** YEAH I KNOW

 **The Soldier:** I THREW SOME STRAWBERRY BREAD AT HIM WHEN ME AND HIM WERE NEAR A GOOSE POND

 **The Spy:** Excusez-moi what?

 **The Pyro:** (◉Θ◉)

 **The Engineer:** hhold up 

**The Engineer:** myy stomacht

 **The Engineer:** laughijng too haerrd

 **The Pyro:** ρ(- ω -、)ヾ(￣ω￣; )

 **The Spy:** Well.

 **The Spy:** That does explain the feathers.

 **The Spy:** What warranted such action from you? 

**The Soldier:** IT SEEMED LIKE A FUNNY IDEA

 **The Soldier:** AND I WAS RIGHT

 **The Soldier:** IT WAS

 **The Soldier:** GOTTA GO NOW

 **The Engineer** is offline!

 **The Pyro:** (•ิ_•ิ)?

 **The Spy:** I believe that the Laborer left so as to laugh in peace.

 **The Spy:** He is having too much fun with what Soldier said.

 **The Spy:** Although that is not a criticism.

 **The Pyro:** ( ' ^ ' )

 **The Pyro:** ─=≡Σ((( つ＞＜)つ

 **The Spy:** Is that supposed to be you going to Engineer's Workshop?

 **The Pyro:** (^_-)

 **The Spy:** Understood. Well then, I shall also take my leave. Have a good day Pyro.

 **The Pyro:** (^_^)b

 **The Pyro** is offline!

 **The Spy** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Soldier what are you doing wi-no that's not how you us-Soldier no sto-SOLDIER YOU HAVE RUINED THIS DAY PREPARE FOR BA-GET BACK HERE!!"-Merasmus as Soldier throws bread at him and the geese descend.


	10. Hey Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miss Pauling checks the status of the chat.

_9:48 pm_

**Miss Pauling** has entered Room #138!

 **Miss Pauling** is online!

 **The** **Spy** is online!

 **Miss Pauling:** Hey Spy. Just here to see if everyone's all buddy-buddy.

 **The Spy:** There have certainly been some ups and downs to this whole experience.

 **The Spy:** More downs I would say, although that is only because this new format has given the rest of the team more opportunities to mess with me.

 **The Spy:** But it has all been fine. There has been a number of incidents that have dissolved instead of ignited into fights.

 **Miss Pauling:** That's good.

 **Miss Pauling:** Saxton's been riding my and The Administrators' ass about the whole thing.

 **Miss Pauling:** So any improvements are a relief to hear.

 **The Soldier:** HELLO MISS PAULING

 **Miss Pauling:** Hey Soldier.

 **Miss Pauling:** That reminds me.

 **Miss Pauling:** Ugh this is going to be a mess.

 **Miss** **Pauling:** Soldier I'm sending you a PM.

 **The Soldier:** YOU'RE SENDING THE TIME? SPECIFICALLY THE LATE TIME??

 **Miss Pauling:** No-Look just swipe to the left and if you see my name, click on it.

 **The Soldier:** OKAY ILL TRY THAT

 **Miss Pauling:** I can multitask so if you got any concerns let me know.

 **The Spy:** Since I can assume I cannot ask about what is happening with the Soldier, may I ask why Saxton Hale, a man who would rather fight 2 teams before join one, is the one who asked for team coordination?

 **Miss Pauling:** Yeah that's a tricky one.

 **Miss Pauling:** Short answer is I don't want to know.

 **Miss Pauling:** Long answer

 **Miss Pauling:** Well apparently something happened with time travel and his old girlfriend and

 **Miss Pauling:** You can only take so much lovey-dovey couple bullshit (even if it's the Saxton version of lovey-dovey) before you just give up.

 **The Spy:** I see.

 **The Spy:** That explains exactly everything and nothing at the same time.

 **Miss Pauling:** Please don't say that

 **Miss Pauling:** You're make me feel like a politician

 **The Spy:** No need to say anymore, I will cease.

 **The Spy:** There is something else bothering me.

 **The Spy:** I was going to ask at the next time I saw you.

 **Miss Pauling:** I think I know where this one is going but go on?

 **The Spy:** I checked the schedule you sent today and I would like to know who was behind the 3 week ceasefire.

 **Miss Pauling:** Same person who had us make the chat.

 **The Spy:** Saxton Hale?

 **Miss Pauling:** Saxton Hale

 **Miss Pauling:** Well and The Administrator too

 **Miss Pauling:** It's been weird man

 **Miss Pauling:** I mean I haven't gotten another vacation but it's starting to feel like I might?

 **Miss Pauling:** Work's been a little lighter

 **The Spy:** Strange.

 **Miss Pauling:** Right?!

 **Miss Pauling:** I've been doing Spy protocols on them all but they all passed

 **The Spy:** They did?

 **The Spy:** You are sure?

 **Miss Pauling:** Yeah

 **Miss Pauling:** Can't be more sure than this

 **Miss Pauling:** I got Saxton and his girlfriend Maggie

 **Miss Pauling:** Also Maggie can catch bullets

 **Miss Pauling:** And Saxton can too but it's more impressive when she does it

 **Miss Pauling:** Like is there anything better than a buff lady near a window catching a bullet you fired and the window cracks from the force of the bullet? and she's flexin slightly?

 **Miss Pauling:** Trick question there isn't

 **Miss Pauling:** Well maybe if there was a guy as buff as her who wasn't Saxton

 **Miss Pauling:** I never thought I'd get enough of a buff person but Saxton is testing that

 **The Spy:** I can see the appeal and what you mean.

 **Miss Pauling:** Bi pals?

 **The Spy:** Bi pals.

 **Miss Pauling:** I gotta go there's a guy shooting me

 **Miss Pauling:** Like dude can't you see I'm busy?

 **Miss Pauling:** See ya Spy

 **The Spy:** Understandable, I shall see you later.

 **Miss Pauling** is offline!

 **The Spy** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miss Pauling's here! I don't know why but I like the idea of Spy and Pauling being pals.


	11. A conversation with Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miss Pauling and Soldier talk.

_You have entered into conversation with_ **Miss Pauling** _!_

 **The Soldier:** AM I HERE?

 **Miss Pauling:** Yeah you are

 **The Soldier:** ASTOUNDING

 **The Soldier:** WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT MISS PAULING?

 **Miss Pauling:** I just gotta get it out quick like a band aid

 **Miss Pauling:** Ok Soldier

 **Miss Pauling:** So you know the war

 **The Soldier:** WHICH ONE

 **The Soldier:** THE ONE I'M IN NOW, THE ONE I USED TO BE IN, A FUTURE WAR?

 **Miss Pauling:** The one with the Red Demo

 **The Soldier:** OH

 **The Soldier:** WHY DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT

 **The Soldier:** HAS HE BEEN SPREADING MORE AH

 **The Soldier:** LIES?

 **Miss Pauling:** No

 **Miss Pauling:** Look

 **Miss Pauling:** You guys don't have to pretend to hate each other anymore

 **The Soldier:** WAIT REALLY!?!!

 **Miss Pauling:** Yeah

 **Miss Pauling:** If you read the main chat after we finish talking

 **Miss Pauling:** The Administrator is getting chiller

 **Miss Pauling:** Which, weirdly, extended to you and Red Demo

 **Miss Pauling:** She told me to clear the truth with you two

 **Miss Pauling:** So you guys can stop acting now

 **Miss Pauling:** Which by the way 

**Miss Pauling:** Were you an actor??? Or was he an actor??

 **The Soldier:** NO?

 **Miss Pauling:** You sure?

 **Miss Pauling:** Because like

 **Miss Pauling:** It got weirdly intense and for like a couple of seconds I thought you two actually hated your guts

 **Miss Pauling:** If you ever retire from this, you should keep that in mind

 **Miss Pauling:** I wouldn't mind seeing you guys in a play

 **The Soldier:** I DONT THINK I EVER WILL BUT I GUESS ILL THINK ABOUT IT

 **Miss Pauling:** That's all I wanted

 **Miss Pauling:** Later

 **The Soldier:** GOOD BYE MISS PAULING

 **Miss Pauling** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't that long this time but it didn't need to be! That's right! I'm writing about the BLU team! Mostly because I don't see a lot of BLU team fics out there and some if most of them usually are focused on crossfaction ships. While there are some crossfaction ships here, not only will they be in the future, they won't take over. Now that it's been 'revealed', I'll try to add 'BLU team' tags.


	12. You good Spy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy talks to the other about what kinds of breakfast they want to eat.

_5:10 am_

**The Scout** is online!

 **The Heavy** is online!

 **The Spy** is online!

 **The Heavy:** I will give you until count of 10 before I use kitchen.

 **The Heavy:** So think about which sandwich you like and request it now.

**The Heavy:** Before it is too late.

**The Scout:** should i get hardhat, doc, and mumbles

 **The Sniper** is online!

 **The Sniper:** Truckie's with me and our favorite arsonist.

 **The Sniper:** He's making us both some "authentic Texas toast ya gotta try it at least once Slim" he said.

 **The Scout:** gotcha

 **The Spy:** As for the good Docteur, he told me that he has already collected his food from Heavy.

 **The Spy:** Now then, for me I shall have a light meal.

 **The Spy:** Just two slices of French Toast with ham, mozzarella, and fried egg on top.

 **The Spy:** Perhaps some chili flakes as well. If we even have any still.

 **The Spy:** No need for a drink, I have one brought with me.

 **The Heavy:** It is being toasted.

 **The Sniper:** 'S real light there mate. You usually get 3.

 **The Sniper:** You good?

 **The Spy:** I am, although I thank you for your concern. I just had a heavy dinner last night. Not a dinner made by Heavy, just there was a fair amount of dishes last night.

 **The Scout:** how aint your tongue burning real fire

 **The Soldier:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN REAL RIFE FIRE

 **The Demoman** is online!

 **The Demoman:** scout nicked the flakes from the kitchen an put em in one a spy's wines

 **The Soldier:** BUT HOW DID SPY PICK THE TAINTED WINE

 **The Spy:** I saw that the seal brand new.

 **The Soldier:** ????????

 **The Spy:** I had previously broken the seal on that one. When I went to lift the bottle to the light, I could see, vaguely, some red flakes.

 **The Soldier:** OOOOH YEAH I UNDERSTAND NOW

 **The Demoman:** gimme the usual

 **The Heavy:** The one with banana?

 **The Demoman:** aye

 **The Demoman:** and a glass of water

 **The Heavy:** It is noted.

 **The Sniper:** I think I got some meat pie in the van so I'm good.

 **The Soldier:** ME NEXT

 **The Heavy:** I have notepad. Go now.

 **The Soldier:** I WOULD LIKE A CHEESE OMMELETE OMLETTE OMELLETTE OMELETTE WITH EXTRA MIXED CHEDDAR AND MOZARELLA MOZZARELLA CHEESE

 **The Soldier:** SO MUCH CHEESE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE

 **The Soldier:** SO MUCH THAT IT DRIPS CHEESE EVERYWHERE

 **The Soldier:** AND SOME ORANGE JUICE

 **The Heavy:** That leaves Scout.

 **The Heavy:** Ready?

 **The Scout:** i guess

 **The Scout:** could i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **The Scout:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **The Scout:** pb, tomato, mayo, ketchup, n cereal with

 **The Scout:** iunno

 **The Scout:** sum pepperoni and onions

 **The Scout:** fried onions

 **The Scout:** n some cream cheese

 **The Sniper:** This what all American's eat?

 **The Soldier:** NO WE ALL HAVE A STEADY DIET OF LIQUID APPLE PIE INJECTED STRAIGHT INTO OUR VEINS EVERY BREASKEFT BREAKFATS BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER

 **The Soldier:** PSST SNIPER THAT WAS A JOKE

 **The Sniper:** That isn't how ya whisper.

 **The Sniper:** You gotta do ~~whisper~~ then @ the user you're trying to talk to.

 **The Soldier:** _whispers to The Sniper_ LIKE THIS?

 **The Sniper:** _whispers to The Soldier_ Yeah that's how it goes.

 **The Heavy:** This sandwich is not sounding pleasant.

 **The Spy:** I hesitate to even imagine what that would taste like.

 **The Demoman:** you actually eat that or

 **The Scout:** i know what it sounds like but its good

 **The Scout:** least it is to me

 **The Heavy:** Alright.

 **The Heavy:** Food will be ready in 10 minutes.

 **The Sniper** is offline!

 **The Demoman** is offline!

 **The Scout** is offline!

 **The Heavy** is offline!

 **The Spy** is offline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That sandwich combination popped up into my mind once. I've been trying to set up an occasion to try to make it. It might be bad.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I might make chapters to this fic short since otherwise I feel like I might lose motivation to continue this.


End file.
